Friday, April 2, 2010

Even your emotions have an echo in so much space

Baby still has a heart beat. Praise the Lord. What a good day. It (yep if I'm not calling it him, he's an it. Hope that doesn't offend.) has a giant head, little torso and legs. No tail. And it wiggles. I guess I am just so dang good at the physical part of pregnancy I suck at the emotional part.

Seriously folks. I have no symptoms. (Do you hate me?) Sure I am hungry all the time, but I've always had a higher than normal metabolism and could wear size 4 jeans despite having half a pizza for dinner. And ice cream. From the carton. (Do you hate me now?). Now I have to have a real breakfast, a snack two hours later, a huge lunch, a mid-afternoon snack, some munchies when I get home from work, and a giant dinner. Then clean the husband's plate. And ice cream. Maybe girl scout cookies too.

So I was on google probation and in serious freak out mode for 3 straight days. For no reason. I caved and called the doc Tuesday. Not my doc, her partner. Who I have to switch back and forth to. He did not impress. He asked a ton of questions about my symptoms before (painfully tired in the afternoon and tender breasts) and my symptoms now (none), did you do any heavy lifting (none except my 17 pound dog occassionally, oops), any stressful situations (other than constant paranoia?!)? He was like, well there's nothing we can do either way. Come in Friday for your regularly scheduled sono Friday. Ack, grr, death threats.

I panicked. I was mentally preparing to disinvite the inlaws for Easter, the inlaws who visit once ever 3-4 years. I was mentally preparing for the worst by planning my diet plan (i'm not so sure this is all emotioanl/ivf/baby bloat), make us reconnect vacation plans, how to tell my grandma. I lost sleep. I was distracted at work. For nothing. I wish I could just be as mentally strong as I am physically strong.

I guess I am what one of my favorite bloggers titles a "pregnancy viking."
Amalah (she doesn't know it, but we're virtual bff's) writes for a variety of online columns and has a website chronicalling pregnancy week by week. I find her highly hysterical. Anywho, she calls freaks without symptoms vikings. I like that term a little better than basketcase.



    Color me seriously jealous at your lack of morning sickness. I hope it continues for you - while on one hand it's very reassuring that there is indeed something going on in there, on the other hand it really really really sucks.

    It's easier said than done, but try to keep positive and don't let the gremlins of doubt get to you.

  2. what fantastic news!! I too, was smiled upon and blessed with no morning sickness yet, and as much as I thought I wanted it to *prove* that I was, indeed, pregnant, having just learned that my mom never had morning sickness with either my sister nor I makes me feel like I'm part of an elite club! hooray for us? ;)