Monday, April 26, 2010

Sweet November I Surrender

I know I have been an anxious pregnant person. I just wish I could enjoy this pregnancy, especially since this is very likely to be my only one. I can't. I just want to wake up to November.

We went to visit friends this weekend about 5 hours car ride away. I told by college roommate when we arrived Friday night the big news. She was one of the handful of people that knew about our ivf and we were just 2 days shy of the big 12 weeks. It seemed like a good idea. Other than paranoia, I hadn't had any complications or scares. It was time to start telling people.

I was wrong. I woke up Saturday morning to brown spotting. Ten minutes after my shower and a fresh pair of undies, I had about a nickel's worth in my drawers. Up to this point, I hadn't had a drop of anything but a prometrium mess. I knew that spotting was normal and could mean nothing, especially in an ivf pregnancy. It could only be bad news if it was showing up now at 11 weeks and 5 days.

I called the on-call doctor who gave me all the same, "there's nothing we can do about it right now." It might be nothing. Its not because you sat in traffic for five hours. You don't need to stay in bed all day, but you should know that walking around can increase bleeding. We were staying with a friend in New York. I felt horrible that she had made plans and now we were competing for the worst house guest story in history. Why did this have to happen the first time we were out of town? Why this late? Why em?

It hung around threatening with barely there discharge all morning. Then I went to the bathroom again an hour later, bright red. Lump in my throat. Panic. Couldn't finish brunch.

We walked a couple of blocks to the Park and just sat in the sun. If I was going to be immobile for the day I might as well be laid up in Central Park. Babies were everywhere. Bad parenting was everywhere. Then, we saw a little boy with a t-shirt with the Husband's name on it. (And his name is a little more rare than John or Bob or Aiden.) Was it a sign that we were going to be ok? We sat around in the park for almost 2 hours. Went to the sketchy park bathroom again and thankfully nothing. Not a drop not a speck, nothing.

We went about the rest of our day walking about town and taking a break every hour or so to sit and use it as an excuse to eat or drink. We took it easy but we were still able to take advantage of the city. I prayed like heck all day and it stayed away.

Almost 48 hours later and nothing since. I go in for my NT screening appointment tomorrow. I hope we get some answers or at least reassurance.

I just hope that I can learn to roll with the punches a bit better until the babe is here safe and sound. But I really just wish I could wake up to November. It can't get here soon enough.


  1. How scary! Sending many, many good thoughts your way that it was just a random thing.

  2. Super nerve wracking! I am glad everything seems to be ok now!