With the holidays and traveling and some home projects, I've been able to coast through the past month with limited anxiety. This was my first weekend in town. The first one since our diagnosis without a long holiday to-do list distracting me. I was back in my routine and the reality of our situation hit me again. Or maybe not so much the reality of the situation, but the icky negativity of the situation hitting me again.
I am sort of stuck in a lackluster job. I had been waiting to look for a new job because I believed I would be pregnant soon. Here I am, almost a year later in the same blah job. Because of some new job responsibilities I am committed to my job for another six months, at least.
I used to think I was an ambitious career woman that would find fulfillment in her job. I don't think I am that person anymore. I have new goals and new priorities in life. But what if my goal of being a mother is unattainable? Where can I find that fulfillment again? Will looking for it now make our infertility journey more bearable? Is it the right time? Will it ever be the right time?
I am stuck in this icky place today wondering what is the point.
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I soooooo get this. I've battled the same questions, and don't really have any answers for you.
ReplyDeleteWhat I do have is hope that you WILL find that fulfillment, if not in your current job, than somewhere else.
Sending lots of love and hugs your way.
Jo
I found your blog on LFCA and wanted to stop by and wish you all the best of luck with your first IVF cycle!! :)
ReplyDeleteHere from LFCA. Finding out having a baby won't be like you imagined sucks. It does feel like everything else gets put on hold. Sorry you feel stuck in your job. From experience I would try to find things in your life that make your feel good as you go through the if journey. I wish you luck on your first IVF cycle. Come check out parenthood for me.org and the blog. We are a non profit whose mission is to provide financial and emotional support to those building families through adoption or medical intervention.
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